The 19^th century was a time when every aspect of life, even death, had its prescribed ceremony. In the century when Queen Victoria lost her beloved Albert, almost every family in the United States had lost a dear family member to the War of the Rebellion, and nearly every parent could expect that of four children, at least one would die before reaching adulthood, the average woman could spend the majority of her life mourning someone.

            Etiquette books abounded in advice as to the proper attire for those mourning the loss of a loved one. There were strict rules regarding dress and behavior of the bereaved. An 1880 book, The Manners that Win. Compiled from the Latest Authorities, stated:

            “The deepest mourning is that worn by a widow for her husband. It is worn two years, sometimes longer. Widow’s mourning for the first year consists of solid black woolen goods, collar, and cuffs of folded untrimmed crape, a simple crape bonnet, and a long, thick, black crape veil. The second year, silk trimmed with crape, black lace collar and cuffs, and a shorter veil may be worn, and in the last six months gray, violet, and white are permitted. A widow should wear the hair perfectly plain if she does not wear a cap, and should always wear a bonnet, never a hat.”

            Unfortunately, all this propriety could become expensive. While black clothing was a basic in the Victorian wardrobe and wearing mourning for many people meant just omitting the garments in their wardrobes that were of another color, there are references to the costliness of mourning wardrobes. The Rational Dress Society Gazette 1889 said:

            “Though not in any way connected with the Rational Dress Society, the society called the National Funeral; and Mourning Reform Association has many points of interest to us. One of its objects is to diminish, as far as possible, the expense of mourning and, in this I think it will find a great many sympathizer.  It does not deny that outward and visible signs of grief are natural and right but it protects against the use of an expensive material like crepe, which after all, cannot express greater mourning than all black does and it emphatically protests against the donning of deep trapping of woe, on honour of the dead who are mourned.”

            Acceptable ornamentation for mourning dresses included jet jewelry and buttons or a reasonable facsimile. Real jet is fossilized monkey tree wood, but substitutes like polished coal, onyx, black glass, or ebony were also used extensively. Black crocheted buttons were common as ornaments and functional fasteners. Hair jewelry, too, was popular, although it was not used specifically for mourning until the second half of the 19^th century. Prior to the common use of the photograph, hair jewelry was a frequently used token of affection; a remembrance of a loved one no longer near, which was replaced by the photograph as a memento.

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